Say so long to apple juice and cookies post-blood donation these days, as the New York Blood Center offers more enticing fare for you after parting with your platelets. A full array of craft beers and hours-smoked BBQ including baby-backed ribs, brisket, pulled pork and the like, are available as the blood center is looking to attract clientele by adding gustatory enticements beyond their decades-old tradition. Research on cows and pigs has shown that the juices from the smoked meat and the hops from beer are ideal replacements in their composition for the plasma, red blood cells and platelets that are lost in the donation process. Overweight hematologists have known about this for some time but are finally turning over their own studies to the general donating public. Two recent donors (see below) who preferred to remain anonymous, can be seen donating and then enjoying some brews and brisket. “I’m Jewish and I was hoping for a beef rib, but the brisket is like butter.” said one. “I am feeling a little wooz…,” said the other donor who was quickly whisked to a stretcher where he started mumbling semi-coherently, “Oreos? Oreos?” Old habits die hard when your blood pressure is dropping precipitously.
I'm over here now. 
I hope you’re happy. Ever since you wrote this piece, the line outside the NY Blood Center is longer than Hometown BBQ’s. Even this O-positive can’t get near the place. Bring back the Oreos.
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They keep a stash of Oreos in a closet.
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