Seeking to resolve a long-running controversy, representatives from the three richest branches of Judæism joined together on a conference call with The Almighty to, once and for all, get on the same parchment regarding tattooed Jews being denied a Jewish cemeterial burial. With Jewish death rates at all time highs and, paradoxically, burial numbers in severe decline, the issue of tattoos as a possible cause of this decline needed clarity. Jewish tattooing (on the streets, known as, tat-jewing) has skyrocketed in recent years, after a steep decline in the 1940’s, especially amongst seniors and the near-dead said a representative of the Hebraic Inking Consortium. Wringing their hands, beating their breasts and with the occasional gentle flogging, the Jewish leaders were in desperate need of an official ruling. The Orthodox representative, who preferred to remain anonymous despite looking identical to the nine others surrounding him, pompously stated, “we have the direct number, which the others do NOT!” Despite being on hold for what some described as “an eternity”, they got through. The Conservative and Reform leaders urged that the call be placed on the following Monday, not Thursday, as long weekends in the summer were the norm for eons. “Pshaw,” the furrily-hatted Orthodoc urkily retorted and began dialing a rotary phone that looked like it was older than……..
The final ruling? “Totally cool with it,” boomed a voice from the other end of the phone. “We knew,” whispered the Reform spokeswoman.