The Bose Corporation of Framingham, Massachusetts gleefully announced the birth of a full-term baby boy with the evolutionary advantage that they had been seeking for generations – a fully-functional bilateral set of a noise-cancelling auditory system. Controlled with precision eye movements (look left – on, look right – off), the system is self-powered with a neural connection to and fro the electrical system of the heart. Bose, working along-side the Flemish Academy for Research in Technology (F.A.R.T. – saw that a mile away?) in Belgium, began experimenting with compounds known as phthalates that are known to lead to hormonal and genetics alterations in developing fetuses. Targeted use of phthalates allowed scientists to marry the noise-cancelling know-how of Bose with the known genomic location and sequencing of the human auditory system. According to reports, it took years to reach this point, with the nagging problem of newborns presenting with a lone blue tooth ultimately resolved.
I'm over here now. 
Encouraging technological development. But my issue is more fundamental. Why is it that the Bose Corporation gets to determine specifically which noises are to be cancelled? I, for one, enjoy jet engines rumbling– the rumblier the better. What I’m looking to have cancelled is that tongue smacking noise some people make when they eat. And the sound my phone makes when someone wants to be a new friend on LinkedIn. And the flutter of Rachel Maddow’s eyelashes when she’s excited about a great story. I could go on and on. Ok?
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I used the jet engine as an example since I took that Blue Angels photo myself. Personally, I too enjoy the rumble of a jet. I was definitely thinking of people’s eating sounds as deserving of noise-cancellation.
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