In a hastily arranged press conference, Darren Softee, aka Mister Softee, spoke frankly about his penile-erectile dysfunction issues. “The irony of my professional moniker is not lost on me but I’ve always relied on good humor to get me through the difficult times,” said the coned speaker. With the likes of Steve Harvey and Tom Selleck openly discussing the issues they have been with their respective penises, Softee felt compelled to share his story and hopefully destigmatize his perennial flaccidity. “Yes, it’s a bit of, “I’m melting””, a reference to “The Wizard of Oz”‘s the Wicked Witch of the West’s line when doused with water by Dorothy Gale. With the advent of medication and a supportive partner, Softee’s story is a bonafide success.