Feigy Boteach, colloquially known as Mother Nature, waited until after sundown this past Shabbos to release a terse statement regarding her youngest, Hurricane Harvey. “I tried to get away for few days, as is my wont near summer’s end and had to return to this shit!” she exclaimed. “Believe you-me, Harvey has had his issues. Yes, he’s been left alone before if you must know, but this is a shocker. When I was young, oh sure, we made a mess but we cleaned it up! This is not the Harvey I raised.” As the youngest of 9, Harvey, or Chaim (חַיִּים) to his sect, was frequently making mischief with puddling and the like, according to sources. Rumors persist to this day as to Harvey’s paternity given his long white beard and bloated ego.