Florida’s Elderly Evacuate

With Hurricane Irma bearing down on Florida, its residents are doing the same. Panic is setting in – in two key ways. With literally massive evacuations being called for, the state’s flood plains are quickly rising ahead of the cycling weather mass as sewage systems are overwhelmed by the populous’s bowel contents. “I normally don’t go but once a week,” said Edith Dreckler, a proud great-grandmother originally from Brooklyn, “but when the government says go, you go!” She sheepishly admitted to needing “a little push” from some Colace. Up north, families are panic-stricken with the exodus-like return of their elderly and oft-demented relatives who seem to feed at odd intervals. ¬†When FEMA officials visited an assisted-living senior facility to help clarify the misunderstanding, Hymen Arkin, a longtime resident, became visibly upset and shouted, “Nazi storms! I’m not leaving!” A pungent aroma emanated from his baggy dungarees leading to an evacuation evacuation sending his facility-mates scampering back to their rooms in disgust. The dejected officials left quickly as well while urging those within earshot to minimize their toilet paper usage and to eat binding foodstuffs.

fullsizeoutput_1280
Irma (left) and Harvey (right) as he initiates geriatro-sexual foreplay. Their real names!