MTA To Allow Straphangers to Rapid-Charge Phones on Third Rail

In an attempt to woo disgruntled subway riders, the MTA unveiled a plan that dovetails nicely with their in-station Wifi accessibility. Beginning in early August, riders will be granted access to the third rail of select subway stations to charge their smartphones, tablets and laptops. In an early rollout this week, a few lucky riders were allowed to begin using the service. One gentleman from Sunnyside was stunned, saying, “My phone was on 3% and charged to 100% in 11 seconds. Amazing!” A woman from Williamsburg noted, “It is annoying that I had to remove my piercings, especially, that one.” She pointed to the general vicinity of the now-zipped fly of her pants. While there is general concern about the public being allowed in such close proximity to the high-voltage rail, a spokesperson for the MTA said, “Look. These are New Yorkers. They get it. Besides there is a semi-rotting plank of wood on top of it just in case.”

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He got a little too close to the third rail. He survived but is not quite the same.